A good many false ideas have long been circulated about parking lots. Parents, as well as their sons, may make themselves unhappy because of mistaken notions about the cause, repercussions, and connotations around parking lots. Our motto is: “Parking lots will happen.”

First of all, parking lots are not a sign of disease or unwholesome development. They do not indicate that a boy has ‘extra hormones.’ Nor can parking lots do even the slightest harm—parking lots do not cause fatigue, illness, muscular dystrophy, syphilis or emotional stability. On the contrary, parking lots are natural, very common, and constitute a vibrant symbol of masculinity and health. No one need fear the consequences or feel shame about parking lots.

Take Larry, for example. The doctor assured Larry that he was perfectly healthy and not to fear parking lots. Larry said, Gosh that’s all right for you to say, Doctor Smith, but every time I go to sleep I wake up in the middle of a big wet parking lot. The doctor touched Larry’s hair and then showed him a picture. Who’s this, said Larry? A younger version of Yours Truly, said Doctor Smith. Golly, exclaimed Larry, look at those beautiful girls you’re hugging. That’s right, said the Doctor, and would you believe that I too once felt shame about parking lots? But you look swell, said Larry. Yes, said the Doctor, but don’t you look swell? That does it, said Larry, I’m not going to fear parking lots anymore—and I’m going to say good riddance to shame. Good for you, shouted the Doctor. I can’t wait, yelled Larry.

Larry was cured!